Happy Mother's Day!

When I was a child, I didn’t fully appreciate everything that my mother did for me. I couldn’t. I had yet to experience the sacrifice of motherhood. I don’t think one can truly understand the depths of love, the thundering currents of emotion, the unyielding strength that is motherhood until you have a child in your arms that is your own. A mother gives her blood, sweat, and tears to raising her children. She would rip apart the world and sell her soul to protect her child. Being a mother made me a different person. It made me fierce. There is a cosmic power in the word mother.

We create life with our bodies. We nourish our babies. We feed their minds and souls, all the while wondering and worrying that we are doing the wrong thing. We wish that we could protect them from the world, while simultaneously wanting them to spread their wings and make the world their own. It’s the greatest challenge of my life, to balance that need to protect my children while encouraging their independence. There is no fear like loving a child. You never stop worrying, ever. Kids are at school? Worry. Kids are on the bus? Worry. How can you not worry, when you are letting your heart walk about outside of your body?

When a child enters our lives (whether through birth or adoption), we begin to experience the tumultuous emotions of motherhood. It’s bewildering. At first, it’s a constant state of overwhelming emotion. It’s hard to cope with. I remember when I left the hospital with my kids, “They are just letting me leave here? With this baby? What the f*ck do I do?!” Guys! They let us LEAVE THE HOSPITAL WITH BABIES LIKE WE KNOW HOW TO KEEP THEM ALIVE. What?! You walk into the hospital (or have a child handed to you to foster/adopt – yes I know they aren’t just “handed” to you) all like, “yeah! Let’s do this! Let’s have a kid!” Then you walk out with said kid in a state of shock. Like….how can they let me leave with this human? I am going to do EVERYTHING WRONG. Motherhood is one big, chaotic, twisty mass of overwhelming love and crippling fear. You have to learn to balance it, and that takes basically the rest of your life. I’ve been a mother for almost ten years and I still wonder every. Single. Day. What I’m messing up. I wonder every day if I’m good enough. I pray every day that I am raising intelligent, fierce, confident, KIND humans. Mama’s, we are SHAPING HUMANS. Humans that have to one day go out into the world, and interact with other humans! Man, I hope my humans are kind to other humans, above all other things.

We are their safe space. We are their comfort. Looking back, if you’re lucky, you can see the silhouette of your mother at every major point in your life. If you’re lucky, you can see your mom comforting you, guiding you, loving you at every step of your life. One of the biggest steps of my pre-teen years was when my mom let me pick a book off of her shelf to read. That seems like SUCH small thing, but for me, it was a major moment. It was a moment when I became closer to my mom as a young woman, it was something that we could share together. That tiny moment is one of my most cherished memories, and it’s a pinprick of time. Think of those tiny moments you share with your child. It could be something so incredibly simple, and your child remembers it as a momentous occasion. That is how important mothers are. The pinpricks of time, the tiny moments, are what our children will remember most.

Mothers are often overlooked. We are worked to the bone, under-appreciated, and pushed to the back burner of life. We do this selflessly. We sacrifice, we give, we love, and we KNOW that we are often doing it for children that do not yet appreciate everything that we do for them. It’s hard. Motherhood is exhausting and overwhelming. We give our identities over to being “mom” and it’s hard to lose yourself, even if it is for tiny humans that you love more than air. Today is about you, Mama. Celebrate you. Pamper you. Mama’s in the trenches, I see you. I heart you. Mama’s that have raised their humans, you are amazing. How did you do it? No, please tell me for real because sometimes I feel like I might lose it. Or run away. I see you, too. You are incredible. You raised humans! They are functioning members of society! That is legitimately the hardest thing in life, the biggest accomplishment, the highest praise. Though your children are raised, your work is never done. That fear still never goes away, does it? It just digs deeper, because your heart is walking outside of your body and further away. I don’t know how to deal with that yet.

Super special shout-out to a couple of groups. First of all - single moms (whether you are of the “actual single woman” variety or the “my husband works shift/is deployed/works away/is at training” variety). You are incredible. You do it all ALONE and rarely have anyone there to appreciate you. It’s especially hard when you live far from family and have limited resources to rely on for help. Mamas, I hope you have friends to rely on that you can go have brunch with. Drink mimosas and throw those heathens in a back yard for some sunshine play time – you beyond deserve it. If that’s not an option, it’s an early bedtime night for the littles and wine for you. Hit ya girl up, I will give you some book recs! I see you, I’ve been there. You are strong. You’ve got this. You are AMAZING.

Mother’s that have lost your children, my heart aches for you today. At thirty years old, I know far too many mothers that are grieving this day. You have a special kind of beauty and strength to keep going. I see you. Your cries are heard. I wish that I could erase your pain and dry your tears. I’m praying for you fervently. I’m loving you from afar.

The most heartfelt and loving Happy Mother’s Day goes to my mom. You are my rock. You keep me on the straight and narrow. You are my biggest support, my fondest memories, you shaped me to be who I am today. Everything I am, I am because of you. You often tell me how proud you are of the mother that I am: I am that mother because of you. I wish that I could be there with you this weekend. I wish that I could ease the pain that I know you feel. Know that there are no words that can adequately describe the depth of appreciation and emotion that I feel when I say I am so, so thankful you are my mama. I could not understand the true depths of love and sacrifice that you poured into your children until I became a mother. From the child that I was that didn’t see, from the ungrateful teen that I could be, from the young woman that I became, from the mother that I now am, thank you. Thank you for quitting your successful career as a young woman to be home with us. Thank you for cleaning houses so that you could be home with your children – always ready with snacks and a smile to ask about our day when we got off the bus. Thank you for working two and three jobs so that we could have the best things and education. Thank you for being exhausted and still going to our football, baseball, horseback riding and cheering events. Thank you for grace when I didn’t deserve it. Thank you for the millions of loads of laundry. Thank you for the silent support. Thank you for the tough love. Thank you for letting me pick that first book off your book shelf. The Outsiders will forever hold a special place in my heart. Thank you for instilling a love of writing and books into me. It is one of the most integral and fulfilling pieces of who I am today. From the bottom of my heart – Thank you. Happy Mother’s Day, Mama.

#MothersDay #Mom #Mama #Sacrifice